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Growing up in the southern part of New Jersey, ‘howyadoin’ is more of a greeting than a question.
If someone says…hey, howyadoin…they aren’t typically looking for a response. Its just a greeting and if you do try to answer they will look at you with a cocked head and will probably be thinking ‘I really don’t care how he’s doing, I was just saying hi!
Now, ‘whatchadoin’ IS a question and an answer is expected, but I digress.
The other morning my buddy Greg asked me, ‘how are you doing this morning’ and I answered him…’not great, I’m in a bit of a funk since waking up’. So we talked about it and it helped a lot.
If he hadn’t asked me that question, I probably wouldn’t have said anything and would have sat in my funk for the day.
It reminds be of the time I was in the hospital after major back surgery. I needed help with just about everything, so one evening I buzzed the nurses station and asked for assistance getting into the bathroom. My nurse, a very muscular Nigerian gentleman, came down and assisted me into the bathroom and said to buzz him again when I was done and he would assist me getting back into my bed. I did just that and he helped me standup and asked if I needed anything else. Well yes I did, I needed his help cleaning myself after using the toilet. I contemplated not saying anything but I needed his help so I asked and he did his job professionally and helped me back to bed. I figured if I didn’t ask for his help, I would have had to sit in my sh*t for the rest of the night.
Asking for help is difficult, it can make us feel vulnerable, weak, a burden on others, uncomfortable, ashamed, etc.
Asking for help is ok!
We all need help once in a while, I need help once in a while and I’ve learned to ask for it. Asking for help doesn’t make me weak, I believe it makes me stronger. I know my limits and I know it's ok to ask for help.
So next time someone asks you 'howyadoin' let them know if you are in a funk, it will help you both!
At the beginning of my battle with depression and anxiety, I had so much shame that I would become paralyzed when I needed to ask for help. Bringing someone into the darkness was scary! But as I worked through therapy and began asking for help- I found it wasn’t necessarily bringing them into darkness as much as it was bringing their light into dark- making it less dark! My friend Matt was one of my biggest lights! He called me one day and said “whatchdoing” and I answered honestly “today has sucked, I haven’t showered, and I am really anxious” he said “okay picking you up in 15 minutes” I tried to argue but I knew he was not going to give up. So I jumped in the shower and rushed out the door to meet him. I got into the front seat and just began to sob. I was so overwhelmed with anxiety and depression- and he just listened. He took me for ice cream and by the end of the night I was laughing and feeling more like myself…. Grateful for those that meet us in our “sh*t”
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